It's done...

[wolfwings]

...I've removed love_hate_rape from my LJ friends list, my cell phone, and every other system I had a connection to her on, per her request.

Now I just want to go vomit... to throw up. I'd say kill myself, but I have neither the means nor the capacity to do so... I fucked up, and suicide would just be giving up, not surviving the pain like I've required myself to do for many years now. I earned this punishment, as much as I'd wish I could end it...

And gooberriffic? Right now... I'm sorry, I don't know what to do. I'll be at Rick and Tess's unless Nyssa is there. I'd like to give her time away from me at this point, I don't want to hurt her enjoyment by my presence. I seem to have hurt her enough already with my presence...

For now, I'm going to go mourn, in a way. I'll get her the book back on Tuesday, and we can at least end things civilly I hope.

Gods... I just want a shoulder to cry on. I just... I just got a couple hundred bucks from my mom so I could go shopping for new clothes next week and everything... And now my life's falling apart before my eyes... My chance... I fucking ruined it. Yes, me. Not Steph, not `Nyssa. Me. I fucked up, royally, with both fists, right up the ass.

God's fucking damned me...