wolfwings: (Default)
wolfwings ([personal profile] wolfwings) wrote2004-03-27 03:32 am

*sigh* I'm late, and I know it. =^.6=


I know I said we'd post our thoughts on religion tonight (Friday), dearest... I've just been so busy planning my move up north, and getting ready for my driving lessons today, tommorow, and Monday, and to go down and visit Mana... I haven't sat down to write out all my issues with religion in the first place. =-.-=

It's not that I have anything against religion... but I'm wary of it. I've been stung by the stereotypical 'bible thumpers' of numerous different religions in the past, and it's made me wary, likely overly so.

When I was growing up in central California, I already knew I didn't particularly care for all females, but had a definite thing for males. I had to actively hide that fact for over three years, because I had a bad enough time being asked 'so what church do you go to?' repeatedly every week at school. Let alone that I made a point of changing my speech to omit 'Under God' from the Pledge of Allegience entirely, re-wording the flow of words to the original Pledge as it was written in the first place, once I learned of it.

I'd had people, on more than one occasion, offer to go out with me, if I'd go to church with them. After a while, I gave up trying to ignore people, and would go just to shut them up. Wrong reason, I know, and it only made things worse. That I started explaining I believed in Native American beliefs only fueled the hastles I had at school further. =-.-=

I... I wish I could explain why I'm so cautious more elagantly... but for now I'll just appologize. Religion, and discussion about it, stirs a deep-seated fear in my gut because it's been the source of a lot of hastles when I was growing up in middle school. The same age when I was (literally) dodging pickup trucks that were driving far off-road to get to the trail I used to and from school, trying to hit me or having groups of people jump out to chase me, just for being me and not hiding my beliefs and opinions that happened to oppose those around me.

I still love you, [livejournal.com profile] mira_fastfire, and want to work through this... I just don't know how to, or even if I can any time in the next decade or more still. =-.-= I've just started to realize how much of a deep-seated trigger (yes, a trigger) religious discussion and some aspects are for me, of any kind, but especially those related to Jewish, or Christian beliefs. I'm accepting of the practices, but extended discussion of those practices makes me cringe and back away consciously and subconsciously. =-.-=

Anyways... I'm going to be heading down to Mana's tommorow for the weekend. Amusingly my last two driving lessons will be down to Mana's and back from Mana's place, so that's convenient. =^.^=

My only comment...

[identity profile] aerowolf.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 09:10 pm (UTC)(link)
http://moose-and-squirrel.com/bozo/bozo.html

I do agree with you, by the way. *snugs*

Re: My only comment...

[identity profile] dennisthetiger.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
Dunno, some of those people are half right. I know Swaggart was half right about the media being satanic. I mean, hell, where else can you get people who make a witty remark after talking about a shooting victim and laugh?

[identity profile] dennisthetiger.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
*raises a glass of ale*

[identity profile] mira-fastfire.livejournal.com 2004-03-26 10:45 pm (UTC)(link)
I would worry if you came out of that unscathed! -.-

Wrong reason, I know, and it only made things worse.
But we all make mistakes. You did what you felt you had to, to survive. *hugs* Kudos for you!

Extended discussion of those practices may simply not be available to the two of us for now. I know Mom and Dad (Dave) simply had to STOP talking about politics for a while because she was so badly triggered by it. Gradually they've learned how to talk about it.

I want to work through this as well. I suggest we not look at how long the recovery will take...but rather just jump right in anyways. ^_^

Learning exactly what triggers you and what doesn't would help, I believe. Learning the boundries.

Maybe...the cringing, as a reaction, is out of the subconscious fear of being hurt. That talking about the subject will bring the pain from your childhood years back. I know I still have that kind of fear of my peers, even though I know, at a more conscious level, that they're not the same kids from years ago.

Anyhow...just a thought. :) Oh, before I forget...heh...ask Oneesan about the "screaming nights" (Tuesdays) back at wren house ;) If she doesn't remember, I'll bap her on the head and tell you about it anyways. ^_^